In 2016, dating apps are old news, just an increasingly normal way to look for love and sex. Of course, results can vary depending on what it is people want—to hook up or have casual sex, to date casually, or to date as a way of actively looking for a relationship.“I have had lots of luck hooking up, so if that’s the criteria I would say it’s certainly served its purpose,” says Brian, a 44-year-old gay man who works in fashion retail in New York City.The question is not if they work, because they obviously can, but how well do they work? “I have not had luck with dating or finding relationships.”“I think the way I’ve used it has made it a pretty good experience for the most part,” says Will Owen, a 24-year-old gay man who works at a marketing agency in New York City.They might speak to an alternate narrative of online dating: This Jacob could be exclusively for me, but so could the other two Jacobs I’m meeting this week—Oh, God.Why settle down when there are so many other unsuccessful, unattractive partners with whom you could make a horrific, lifelong mistake?I don’t know—maybe because we're not all aimless and lazy thirtysomething straight dudes?Jacob may be meeting a buffet of sexy professionals and college students through his online dating profiles, but those women are meeting … Slater doesn’t interview the paralegal, the lawyer, the naturopath, the pharmacist, the chef, or the twentysomething about their experiences dating online.Alexis Madrigal has already administered a takedown of Slater’s central assertion that online dating has turned plugged-in yuppies into commitment-phobes.Marriage will live on, no matter how valiantly Jacob scams on women.
Slater claims that such a robust online dating scene has made people acutely aware of all the "options" available with the simple click of button, rendering us indifferent and noncommittal. Did online dating change my perception of permanence? When I sensed the breakup coming, I was okay with it... This easy, immediate exposure to dating opportunities cultivates a delusional worry that there's always someone else -- nay, someone better! "Sure, he is great, but look at this stud's profile! '" With this mindset, it's no surprise that online daters would then be molded into perpetually dissatisfied, commitment-phobic singletons... Online dating is emerging as the new, highly successful norm.
I’m actually glad to finally hear from a Jacob, the male counterpoint to Kate Bolick’s own examination of “All the Single Ladies” who end up paired, impermanently, with guys like him.
The problem is that, unlike Bolick, whose story of singledom is intrinsically tied to her gender, Jacob scoots by in this story with no examination of his maleness.
They could be wretched, but you have to make conversation. That takes way more guts, not to mention, social skills. A few decades ago, it was totally normal to stay with one company, in the same town, for life.
Now, people change jobs and locations with the seasons.
Slater relegates gender to a parenthetical: “Gender, too, may play a role.” Then, he fails to interview a single woman in the piece.