In the most extreme, these pronouns — to whom the men claim to be happily married — become antiheroes to the plan.
"She just canceled her dinner, so now I can't meet you on Tuesday.
It was partly out of curiosity, but also largely my attempt to take my mind off her." He was attracted to my fears about losing my independence. You think this is a site for sex in motels, private and dirty with condom wrappers in the folds of the sheets.
Ashley Madison's president, Noel Biderman, certainly does. "They're saying, 'I want a type of intimacy my partner's not giving me,'" he says.
For my own safety, I won't reveal what I'm really doing. In my profile, I say that I'm married, because in addition to avoiding escorts, many of the men on the site don't want the complications of seeing a single woman. The rest of what I say is mostly true, and to weed out the more aggressive guys, my tone comes off as exploratory, not sexual. One man has his arm across the shoulders of a young Jon Bon Jovi.
He wants to meet; he doesn't know I ran into him just last week. The more careful among them don't post pictures directly to the site, but they send a key that grants me access to a "private showcase" of images.
They are beautiful, the son eating an ice cream cone, the young girl in overalls. is holding her up and she is grabbing his finger, and the finger is wearing a wedding ring. He believes that marriage is a path all men must travel at some point. wants to meet me, but he's not sure he can steal time away.
His message says, "Although we haven't yet met, something has happened (at least for me). is an engineer in his early 30s who practices birdcalling in his spare time, and sends me pictures of his younger days, when he went boating and life was dangerous and uncharted. If they've dated a woman for number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyer belt. For now, he is content to write — to paint the picture of the moment we lock eyes across a bar.
To get started, I create a profile with a fake name and a dark picture of myself and chart a plan. Then I'll meet a few of them for a drink, but there will be no drunkenness. I say I'm scared to live the rest of my life with unexplored desire. But my jaw hits the ground anyway when I realize whom I'm looking at. One man takes a picture in front of his 1987 Camaro, parked outside of a diner.
He tells me he had a brief affair with a woman from one of his company's offices.
He joined Ashley Madison because that encounter left him wanting more. "Everything about her consumed my thoughts, and that's when I first signed up.
But most have taken their pictures recently and surreptitiously.
In their bathrooms with their i Phones held up to the mirror, their faces partially obscured, their wives' J'adore behind them, on top of the toilet.
It was wild, he says, and then puts his hand on my leg. is 32, tall and slim, and has been married for two years. There are plenty of men like B., who says he is happily married when what he really means is he is complacently bored. "Either way," he says, "it's driving me crazy."What's terrible is that H. The woman he is thinking of cheating on is still only his fiancée.